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5 Red Flags of the Narcissistic Pick-Me Woman
Learn the five red flags.
“RED FLAG #1: They’re willing to throw other innocent women under the bus to gain the validation of a man. The extreme, narcissistic version of the pick-me woman has no problem denigrating her female friends to make herself look “better” in the eyes of a man she’s interested in, actively going out of her way to pursue partnered men or even the men that her friends are interested in to “one-up” her in some way. They are also the first women to actively sympathize with predatory men and defend known abusers and believe a man without question when he claims all his exes are crazy.”
Note: This article is not applicable to situations of trauma bonding, where you are coerced/belittled/gaslit into lowering your standards. It calls out a certain type of narcissistic pick-me woman in society who bullies/shames other women.
In a patriarchal society, most women will likely have certain harmful pick-me habits ingrained into them since adolescence as well as some internalized misogyny to undo and work on. However, the pick-me woman has internalized these destructive habits to such an extent that it becomes an integral part of her identity, behavior, and her relationship repertoire – this harms not only her but other women around her as well. When combined with narcissistic traits and behaviors such as a lack of empathy, malicious envy and callousness, this can make for a dangerous combination.
In this article, I discuss the “spectrum” of pick-me habits - from the more harmless to the very harmful, from settling for less to the women who wrote love letters to serial killers like Ted Bundy. For those who still want tips on how to raise your standards in dating and relationships, I offer this as well in the article.