man in white dress shirt holding brown flower bouquet — Photo by Jonathan Borba

Countermanipulation is not manipulation designed to exploit or harm others; rather, they contain harm prevention techniques to prevent yourself from being subjected to harm. Most people have heard of the “boundary” test (disclosing a boundary and seeing how a person reacts to it), but skilled manipulators can easily pass such a test only to violate your boundaries later. What about tests that manipulators may not expect? Here are six other techniques that can save your life if you suspect you may be dealing with an emotional manipulator.

1. The Red Herring Technique

You may not know you’re dealing with a narcissist or psychopath until it is too late. By that time, they can weaponize any traumas, insecurities, fears, and desires you’ve disclosed to them against you. It’s important not to disclose such vulnerabilities during the early stages of dating or a relationship. However, if you feel you must test a person’s character and suspect you may be dealing with someone toxic, you may use the “red herring” technique to save yourself from a morally dubious person. This is when you disclose a small fear or insecurity (it can be real or false) and watch how quickly this person uses this disclosure against you - whether during a fight, an insult, or a covert put-down to try to provoke you or detract from your credibility. Here are some examples…

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