For Narcissists, The Phrase "He's Just Not That Into You" Doesn't Apply. Here's Why.

Why this popular phrase doesn't apply to narcissists - and shouldn't.

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Their reasons and motives for who narcissists pursue and when they stop pursuing are very different from what traditional dating advice tells us about compatibility, romance, and desire. Learn more by clicking here to read the full article.

"While an important wake-up call for people dealing with incompatible relationship partners, this phrase has limited usefulness when it comes to narcissists, who appear to be extremely "into you" during the love bombing phase. Telling a victim of a narcissist or psychopath – whether male or female – that “they’re just not that into you,” oversimplifies the cycle of manipulation, idealization, and devaluation. “He’s just not that into you” presumes a fair and just world where all people act out of a desire for compatibility and positive qualities in a partner rather than a desire for power and control like narcissists and psychopaths have. We must avoid implicitly equating any narcissist’s actions, whether male or female, to a victim’s worthiness or a narcissist’s supposed desire.

Being “chosen” by a low-quality, unempathic, exploitative, manipulative person is not an accomplishment or pursuit we should be condescendingly telling women, or anyone for that matter, to desire, value, or care about. The cycles of a toxic relationship with a narcissist almost always hold a promise of the future that never quite comes to fruition for each and every victim, regardless of all the positive qualities they bring to the table. In fact, narcissists tend to devalue partners with many positive qualities who they are most pathologically envious of to maintain a sense of power." - Shahida Arabi, MA