Parentified by Narcissistic Parents? 5 Steps to Re-parent Yourself to "Regain" A Lost Childhood
The five steps to healing from narcissistic parents.
Written by Shahida Arabi, MA, trauma and psychopathology expert and researcher
As a child, you may have experienced parentification by narcissistic or emotionally immature parents, burdened by the problems and responsibilities that belonged to the adults who were meant to take care of you. Simultaneously, you may have also been infantilized and discouraged from becoming independent, so you were more susceptible to their control, all while expected to solve the problems of the adults around you and manage the emotions of the adults in your life. You often feel like you didn’t ever get to be just a child, and you might subconsciously gravitate toward narcissistic or toxic people in adulthood (and they gravitate toward you) as part of what feels like an endless trauma repetition cycle.
As a researcher specializing in narcissism, I’ve corresponded with not only thousands of people involved in romantic relationships with narcissistic partners but also many adult children of narcissists who struggle with the harmful beliefs and traumas of their early upbringing. Children of narcissistic parents can suffer long-lasting effects in adulthood that affect their self-esteem, mental health, their susceptibility to re-traumatization (known as the trauma repetition or trauma reenactment cycle), and emotional regulation.
Many want to know how they can heal and engage in reparenting practices that allow them to build a more solid foundation for healthy self-esteem and nervous system regulation, especially if they were raised by a parent who lacked empathy or forced them into adult roles and responsibilities before they were ready.