Signs He's Not In Love, He's A Psychopath Using You
This article was originally published on NewsBreak.
Whether in a relationship, a friendship, familial relationship, a business context, or even an acquaintance, we can all benefit from discerning the difference between authentic connection and false charm meant to hook you into exploitative relationships. Here are three subtle signs to look out for if you fear you are being used by a psychopathic individual, according to a researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy.
They seem "too" charming. A psychopathic individual uses superficial, glib charm at first "hook" you. According to the criteria listed on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, psychopaths exhibit a superficially glib and charming demeanor. They use their charm to disarm and manipulate people and to present themselves as benevolent human beings who have your best interest at heart. In reality, they only have their own best interest at heart, con others for pleasure or profit and wish to use your resources (whether they be internal resources like empathy, attention, praise, or more external resources like sex, connections, money) to uplift themselves.
Their flattery seems disingenuous and they make false promises. Psychopaths not only con people for profit and pleasure, they may also do so to experience duping delight and a sadistic thrill according to studies, and feel entitled to the labor and efforts of their victims. They will dangle the carrot of paying you back with interest, or helping you in turn. Relationships with these types move fast and furiously, and the true intentions are always concealed beneath a plausible seeming reason. However, psychopathic people rarely reciprocate as promised. This is the lover who begs for a loan or engages in future faking about marriage and children with you, only to ride off into the sunset and disappear into the void, never to be seen again. Or the business associate who steals your ideas, only to give credit to themselves or other people who benefit them because they're envious and feel threatened that you may outshine them. Their flattery was never about honoring your strengths; it was about abusing your gifts and resources for their own agendas.
You catch them in numerous lies, big or small. According to research, psychopaths are more likely than narcissists to lie not just for gain but also for duping delight and enjoyment, or for no reason at all. If you notice discrepencies in how they present themselves to you and the accounts of others who have experienced them, stay on guard. If there is a lack of evidence or action supporting their claims or promises, call their bluff. If you catch them saying one thing or doing another, this may be a key insight into what they are hiding and what they plan to do to you in the future. They may even leave "clues" for you to figure out just for a sadistic thrill - for example, they may drop the name of the person they're cheating with in passing casually before you ever learn of the affair. Watch out for these microaggressions of betrayal before you are betrayed on a larger scale.