The Charming Psychopath: Red Flags of Wolves in Sheep's Clothing and Why Their False Mask Cracks Around You
What happens when a psychopath is envious of you or knows you have insight into their traits.
Written by psychopathology researcher, Shahida Arabi, MA
Sometimes the “nicest” or “kindest” person in the room is a superficially charming and glib psychopath. Wolves in sheep’s clothing wear false masks to lure you in, but their charisma is short-lived. They expose their envy and resentment toward those they are jealous of or threatened by, revealing cracks in their false mask and discrepancies that expose their con artistry.
If you’ve ever met a person who appeared to be alarmingly charismatic and overwhelmingly kind to you initially but behaved completely differently toward you when they realized you possessed positive qualities and achievements they didn’t, evoking their malicious envy — or recognized you had the knowledge and insight to see through their facade, you may have dealt with a narcissistic or psychopathic individual.
You likely also saw this abrupt shift once their period of love-bombing you was no longer needed, they had achieved their goals of exploiting or using you, and their true callousness showed itself. Or, they began sabotaging you underhandedly, retaliating and attempting to engage in aggression toward you out of malicious envy. They likely put on an air of false superiority and contempt once they realized you surpassed them, may have seemed completely bored and void of any emotion after orchestrating a loving relationship with you, or put on the pity ploys and waterworks to prevent you from exposing them.
The Two Subtypes of Psychopathy
There tends to be two main subtypes of psychopathy as identified in research: primary and secondary. The primary subtype is said to be “born rather than made,” with a biological predisposition toward callous-unemotional traits since they were young. They are more fearless, less impulsive, are less likely to have childhood trauma than the secondary subtype (which is the colloquially termed “sociopath” who is more impulsive, anxious, and shaped moreso by their environment).
Hare’s model of psychopathy and his Psychopathy Checklist-Revised is a more in-depth scale that measures the four dimensions of psychopathy, and tends to be a more inclusive portrait of what “psychopathy” can entail beyond the DSM. In the DSM-5, antisocial personality disorder is specified as an umbrella term, and it is explicitly noted it can also be referred to as sociopathy or psychopathy. However, the term “psychopath” is used by researchers and clinicians frequently across correctional and legal contexts, especially differentiated using the more specific criteria of Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist.
Numerous studies have explored the differences between two main subtypes of psychopathy. “Primary psychopaths” exhibit callous-unemotional traits since they were very young, usually have more of a biological predisposition toward psychopathy, tend to be less impulsive and more fearless with less of a startle response, demonstrate higher levels of psychological well-being, are less susceptible to stress, are less likely to have experienced childhood trauma, and report fewer post-traumatic stress disorder-related symptoms, according to research.
The “Successful” Psychopath
Some of the individuals from this group may be found in more successful careers. Maybe they’re the CEO of a company, a psychiatrist, doctor, lawyer, or nurse who preys on vulnerable populations, weaponizing their position and authority to get ahead. Yet they come from a stable and happy upbringing, so there doesn’t seem to be a “reason” for why they are the way they are. These psychopaths are thought to be “born” rather than made. They’re less likely to have experienced childhood trauma, which challenges prevailing myths and stereotypes. They can be very premeditated and calculated in their pursuit of profit and pleasure - for example, deliberately marrying a person for their money and status, rather than any meaningful connection, and having numerous affairs while leading a double life or stealing money from the companies they work at. They tend to fly under the radar with their crimes, and their cool-headed temperament and charming demeanor can fool people into believing they are innocent and well-meaning.
The “Criminal” Sociopath
The “secondary” psychopath is more anxious, more emotionally reactive, more impulsive, and tends to be less successful with a more versatile criminal history and pattern of law-breaking behavior. They are more aligned with the DSM-5 definition of antisocial personality disorder, or more colloquially termed “sociopath.” These are the people in and out of jail, who can’t seem to hold down a job for too long because of their irresponsibility, who tend to live parasitic lifestyles, raging in violent outbursts, leeching off others, or breaking the law to gain resources.
The Big Picture
Whatever subtype of psychopath you’re dealing with, whether they engage in reactive aggression or instrumental and premeditated aggression and bullying to achieve their goals and for profit and pleasure, harm can still occur. It’s important to assess harm holistically. The criteria for ASPD, for example, is more similar to the secondary subtype of psychopathy (the colloquially termed “sociopath”) in that people who meet a bare minimum number of the criteria may not necessarily lack remorse (although they certainly can meet that criteria too), meet more of the law-breaking criteria, tend to be criminally versatile and impulsive, and can be shaped by their environment.
However, it’s important to note that some people of the secondary subtype could still (like the primary subtype of psychopath) potentially lack remorse and can have high criminal recidivism rates and violate others violently while breaking the law. They may engage in reactive and impulsive violence, so even if they are shaped by the environment rather than biological predisposition, they can still cause great harm. When it comes to assessing danger, you can still be placed in harm’s way whether by a primary or secondary psychopath. Don’t let their charm fool you.
Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is available in all major physical bookstores including your local Barnes & Noble and everywhere books are sold.
You can also purchase it directly from the publisher here or alternatively on Amazon here and all other retailers of your choice as well!
Editorial Reviews
“This book is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand why they became so unhealthily attached to a toxic person, and how to reclaim personal power and integrity.” —Dr. George Simon, PhD, author of the international best-seller, In Sheep’s Clothing, and Character Disturbance
“Shahida Arabi masterfully educates readers about the complex intersection of neuroscience and the intricacies of healing in the aftermath of psychological abuse. Written in a style that is digestible, informative, and packed with research, Shahida’s book will no doubt serve as an essential guide for survivors and helping professionals alike. Bravo, Shahida!” —Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker/psychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, and author of Soul Vampires
“Shahida Arabi’s work has contributed mightily to our understanding of how to help victims identify, avoid, and escape from toxic narcissists and psychopaths. Her latest book, Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths, brilliantly outs the dynamics of such exploitive, destructive people. Her guidance on escaping from ensnaring narcissists is the most comprehensive I have ever read. Anyone who reads it will be aided greatly in avoiding or breaking trauma bonds.” —Pete Walker, LMFT, traumatologist, and best-selling author of Complex PTSD
“A transformational book for survivors of narcissistic abuse, it provides a killer combination of impeccable research, science, and case studies to reassure readers that what happened to them was no one-off or in any way their fault, and, additionally, that the distress they feel is not an ‘overreaction,’ but the measurable effect of trauma on their brains—which can, happily, be gradually reverted by doing the healing work Arabi outlines.” —Annie Kaszina, PhD, coach and author of Married to Mr. Nasty andThe Woman You Want to Be
“Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is a vital resource for survivors seeking to reclaim their mental and emotional well-being. Shahida’s insightful guidance empowers individuals to break free from the destructive cycles of manipulative relationships. With clarity and compassion, this book provides a road map for detaching from toxic bonds and rediscovering inner strength. A must-read for those ready to break free from the grips of trauma and reclaim their sense of self.” —Lisa A. Romano, life coach and award-winning author specializing in codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery
“Readers will find validation and clarity in Shahida Arabi’s science-based, research-backed analysis. They will also encounter a knowledgeable and compassionate guide who provides hope and the important steps to begin to support the self-awareness necessary to break through the disorientation and fragmentation that accompanies this kind of destructive relational dynamic, and ultimately return to wholeness.” —Gretchen Seitz, DAOM, LAc, owner of Seitz Acupuncture and Integrative Health