The Narcissistic Dog Whistle: The Covert Manipulation Tactic Meant to Destabilize You
What is a dog whistle? How does this underhanded manipulation method work to destabilize you?
Have you ever experienced abuse where only you were the one who knew it was abuse? You may have experienced “dog whistling,” a covert form of abuse that is intended to strategically disorient the victim while escaping accountability. A “dog whistle” is a distinct, high-pitched whistle that is audible to dogs but not to humans. Similarly, in politics, “dog whistling” is a term used to describe coded language or subtle signals that relay something seemingly innocuous to most people but has a specific, usually controversial underlying message. This message is directed at a subgroup of people to garner support from that specific group. In politics, dog whistling is often used when the message is too distasteful to explicitly communicate to the general population — therefore it is only “audible” or understandable to the targeted audience it is intended to influence.
In the context of abusive relationships, dog whistling can be used to target and terrorize the victim. Narcissistic and psychopathic individuals can use insidious and diverse forms of dog whistling to covertly manipulate and belittle their victims while escaping consequences, accountability and judgment from others. Narcissists and psychopaths can use abusive “dog whistles” in public to subtly degrade and threaten you in front of others, to compare you to others, or even use it in one-on-one conversations with you where the intention is to gaslight, taunt, mock and slander you should you try to call them out for their behavior.
Here are some common ways they may use “dog whistling” to covertly abuse you: 1) Degrading you in front of others to underhandedly humiliate you. 2) Dishing out covert threats. 3) Covertly abusing, retraumatizing and gaslighting you one-on-one by making references to your past traumas, wounds and triggers. 4) Making subtle degrading comparisons and inducing jealousy and 5) Provoking you through social media.
Below, you will find in-depth explanations and examples of each tactic.
1. Dog whistling to degrade you in front of others and underhandedly humiliate you. Narcissistic and psychopathic individuals derive a special kind of glee from being able to belittle you in front of an audience without being held responsible. In research, this form of sadistic glee in deceiving others is known as duping delight and it is associated with psychopathic traits. When a narcissist or psychopath uses dog whistling in front of others, they may do so by using a specific phrase or reference that unsettles you in public because you know its hidden meaning, whereas other people around you don’t. If you try to confront the narcissist about this abuse in public, they will be able to depict you as “unhinged” and “crazy” because such a reference looks innocent and well-meaning to others. This gives them pleasure in being able to get away with abusing you without consequences…